Showing posts with label Nigeria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nigeria. Show all posts

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Almajiranchi



Almajiranci, we can all agree is one of the evils that beautifies Northern Nigerian streets. The Almajiri system is a system of oppression that takes away the fundamental human rights of the most vulnerable members of our society, children. You can be rest assured to walk into the streets of any state really in Northern Nigeria and you will be welcomed with a sight of children holding rubber bowls and begging in traffic stops.
These children often range from as young as ages 3 to as old as ages 18. Yes, I have seen children as young as 3 begging in the street. There is no strict age criteria or any standards, one simply has to be willing to forcibly snatch childhood away from a child before sending them out to the streets to become statistics. You would often see these children walking about with no sense of personal hygiene and if you talk to one of them, you would often be met with a lack of hope. One would wonder where these children are coming from. Are they orphans? Does nobody care for them? People care.

According to a Wikipedia definition, “Almajiri is a system of Islamic education practiced in northern Nigeria. We'll go with that. Almajiri is gotten from an Arabic word "Al-Muhajirun" which can be loosely translated to mean a person who leaves his home in search of Islamic knowledge.” The sight of these almajiri children often times evokes a feeling of social responsibility/spiritual obligation on the everyday Hausa man/woman. We were all raised with the belief that "da na kowa ne" (a child is everyone’s responsibility) so you would find people who would always give these children money and food. This sounds good in theory, but it is not.

The Almajiri system, in the northern Nigerian context, is a system of traditional education which involves sending children to live in what we would call boarding houses with a “Mallam” who takes up the responsibility of teaching the child about Islam and The Qur’an. This is not an entirely terrible system. These informal institutions of education have existed across northern Nigeria from a very long time. It was a system which fascinated white colonizers whom came to Northern Nigeria, expecting savagery and barbarianism but instead, found a people well versed in the teachings of Muhammad (S.A.W). Arabic and Islam fused neatly into the northern Nigerian culture as it paved a way out of alleged darkness. Islam brought about emphasis on learning to speak and write the language of the Qur’an. The community was included in funding these schools and maintaining their standards. Through the teachings of the Qur’an, the Sokoto caliphate was established which successfully ran these systems of education in conjunction with the Borno caliphate until the colonial wars which ended up killing prominent Emirs in the north. The system fell apart. These schools now have to rely primarily on alms and farm outputs by the students as the system has since been abolished and hence, does not receive any funding from the state.

Ideally, leaving the moral upbringing of a child to the parents and the educational aspects to the schools is a system that works. Today, according to a report by the National Council For The Welfare of the Destitute, nearly 7 million Nigerian children have been failed by this system. Children are still sent into the almajiri system in large numbers. With a growing population and farms to be tilled, these Mallams often set the children to work, forcing them to work long hours on the farms without any monetary compensation. The Mallam sells his outputs in the market to feed his family and cater to his immediate needs and sometimes produce enough to feed the children. Often times, the children’s nutritional requirements do not make it on the Mallams list of priorities. The direct effect of this is children begging on the streets. Whatever they can get, they take it back to the Mallam who uses the money however he pleases.

We have heard the numbers and we have all cried outrage but why does this system still exist? What can we do to fix it? Well for one, we need to stop giving these children money and empowering the Mallams.
Every Friday afternoon is a day of chaos on my street. This is because an Engineer who lives opposite my family’s house shares money (500 naira, most times less) to a group of elderly men and women. I am not sure when this man started this and why. All I know is they keep coming back every single hot Friday afternoon to sit and defecate in front of my father’s house, begging until the sun goes down. Almajiranchi has become synonymous to begging. We would now call any person begging in the street or from door to door an almajiri. Why do you think these people keep coming back to beg for alms? Because we keep giving. As long as we keep giving people who beg on the street, they will always keep coming back to the street. Giving Zakaat is one of the fundamental guiding principles in Islam. Islam, the foundation of the Almajiri system of education. One is required yearly, to give a portion of his profit to charity. However, encouraging almajiranchi is not giving out Zakaat. Giving people who beg on the street money is not empowering them, if anything, we are taking away power and agency from them by reinforcing their belief that as long as one begs, he/she is entitled to receive. It is a toxic culture which no child should be intentionally sent into.

The Almajiri system is in desperate need of reform. It is a system that failed, post-colonial invasion. Begging became a natural trickle effect of poverty, which a lot of the children in this system are products of. Poverty often pushes parents to send their children off for an education. It is almost a win-win if the system worked. Families can afford to cater to other needs while the educational system took care of one extra child to feed.

Almajiranchi is not a system that can entirely be abolished as a large population of Northern Nigerians still adhere to and defend this practice. We can improve it. Both Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa and Sir Ahmadu Bello, Sardauna of Sokoto were educated through this same system of education. Historically, this system has worked once. It educated some of the founding fathers of the Nigerian Republic.

Through rigorous reform tactics, this educational system can be liberated. Schools need funding, the responsibility of catering to the children’s basic needs, including feeding and housing cannot fall solely on the shoulders of the Mallam. A strict curriculum that includes basic hygiene, human rights and western educational components can better prepare the Almajiri for a life far from destitution. A child who is educated and aware of his rights would not be gullible enough to fall into the traps of groups like Boko Haram who are always looking for innocent naïve children too manipulate. Insurgent groups benefit from this failed system because it is easy to recruit children born into poverty with the promise of a place to sleep and hot food in their bellies. For a price of course.

The truth is people have always cared. Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, HRH the Emir of Kano has repeatedly called for reform. I remember growing up in Kano and we would be stuck in traffic with my mother and she would talk to these children no older than her own children. She would often scold them about hygiene, tell them to go and take care of their clothes but ultimately, at the end of the day, she would give them some spare change and they would pray for her as she speeds off into the world. Her social guilt and the belief that da na kowa ne have been satisfied. She experiences a spiritual fulfilment and the children will walk up to the next car and have a similar interaction. They will keep tapping on car windows until one of us winds down and says, enough is enough.

Children do not belong on street corners doing god-knows-what to survive.
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Monday, January 11, 2016

In Borno State

In Borno state
you imagine being someone else
you are in Abuja
in one of those big houses
there is no blood
no stench of death
just big cars
and big houses

In Borno state
they call you IDPs
refugees in your own home
you know it is a lie
there was a time when
the children were children
and the schools were not tents

In Borno state
you imagine one day
families would stay
you wouldn't live
in filthy camps
you wouldn't know
the smell of sympathy
and the sound of pity

In Borno State
you are not you
you are not running
you are not hiding
In Borno State
you are home again
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Friday, November 27, 2015

The Cruelty Of The Streets of Twitter

Twitter is a very mean and unkind place. I am continually amazed at the severity of this. This is not the first of its kind and unfortunately, not the last.
A twitter user and blogger shared her story of gang rape, immediately, hell broke lose on twitter. You would think this is the time when human beings unite and show their humanity, instead, aggressiveness was all that was displayed.
I understood from all i have read today that the victim is an outspoken blogger in Nigeria, she has being known to be involved in multiple arguments on twitter but the way the public reacted, i was ashamed to be a part of this planet. Regardless of who this girl is and what other previous things she has said, whether you have ever agreed with her or not, the way some WOMEN reacted was pure vile.
Look, rape is rape. Let us be civil for once and not sugar coat it. Even if this lady's story turns out to be untrue (I doubt that though), this is the reality of so many girls in Nigeria. Too many women in Nigeria have lived this lady's story. Best believe this is not the first time something like this has been raised. The moment anyone involved in any sexual activity says No, whatever sexual activity that occurs afterwards is RAPE. Be it a friend, a boyfriend, a husband, without consent, any sexual activity that occurs is rape. We have being conditioned by a culture that we created to always question the victim in situations like this. Stop it!
This story has shown me that people are more comfortable with the story of a young girl hungry for marriage than the story of a rape victim. Too many people are saying "if she did not want it, why did she keep going back?". I understand that not everyone has talked to the people i have talked to and heard stories from victims of rape and domestic violence, from all the victims whom have had the courage to speak it, one thing is common. FEAR! It is the fear that keeps them going back, it is the fear that makes them stay. It is not something as easy as, "well, i do not like this shirt, i will not wear it again". Most of the victims tend to be people whom have being taken advantage of by people whom claimed to love them. Usually, it is the love and  the fear that keeps the victims. Our society is one of constant shaming hence, the silence.
I am very disappointed and sad today. Instead of showing compassion or restraint from commenting, one woman went on to say "she is too ugly to be raped", i swear i dropped my phone. I was shocked. There were comments along the line of:
"if she is wishing rape on herself, may it happen to her",
"she must have liked it if she stayed with him",
"she must have been into the drugs they were doing",
"why was she hanging out with men older than her",
"this is just attention seeking"

The list goes on. I do not like to get into discussions on twitter because i noticed how petty and silly twitter can turn even the brightest people but i could not keep in my disappointment. If this lady's story is true (which i know it is else the man involved would not have had to respond with threats of releasing her nude pictures), imagine all the trauma she had had to endure, imagine living in her shoes knowing there is not justice for you. Let's say the story is not true, imagine actual victims of said unfortunate circumstance reading people's reactions. Someone argues girls like to claim every sexual activity between her and an ex is rape and i say, if she did not consent to it then Yes, it is rape. You should search your conscience.  Imagine them having to read people saying "she is just a whore looking for attention"
"she must have being wearing revealing clothes"

Suddenly, the victim becomes the one to blame and the aggressor becomes a victim of "seduction" and "lies". Please let us be human, imagine your sister whom has never had the courage to tell anyone about her rape, reading your cold and unkind reaction. Imagine how isolated she will feel again. Imagine how much you have invalidated her suffering, telling her it is her fault.
Sexual assault is the worst thing that could happen to anyone. It is dehumanising and violating experience. The victim will forever be scared. Having to live with all that weight, all that anger, all that pain and loneliness is terrible. The least you as someone whom did not do anything to stop can do is to be kind about it. God, twitter is horrible i swear. Very horrible. People are mean, i cannot say this enough. If you do not have anything good to say, do not say anything at all. Muhammad SAW said, before you speak, as yourself if your silence is worth more than your words.
There is already too many things we cannot do anything about like Boko Haram, ISIS, Refugee Crisis etc the one thing we can do something about is what comes out of our mouths.

I have seen growing support though, i have seen kind words, a tweet stuck with me

"And some of you are there nodding head in agreement because "desperate to marry" makes more sense to you than serial rape. Na wa for you."
Well, let that sink in. ANIMALS!
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Thursday, November 19, 2015

La Haine (The Hate)

I made this gif from my favorite movie titled La Haine meaning The Hate. It is french movie made in 1995. It is amazing, this movie was made in the 20th century and today, almost 2016 in the 21st Century, same people are still fighting the same wars.
Is the world not exhausted? From all this fighting? Has cowardice overpowered our courageous and natural will to end conflict and embrace peace? The over-exertion of power by the powerful has proven to be counter-intuitive in the face of defiance then why is it still so rampant?

World powers are exercising their power on weaker counterparts. Today, Israel, a giant in the middle-east do nothing but bully Palestine where the people only have rocks. Why not step out of the tankers and come out from behind their sniper rifles. If there must be a fight over something, why not fight the fight on equal grounds.,take it to the streets. Fight a fight with stones if that is the case, lets see who can pelt stones at better trajectories and win. Cowardice and arrogance has crippled the entire world and we have accepted that.
ISIS claim to be fighting "infidels" yet they attack and terrorise civilian people in Iraq and Syria. Why not take up the war with the Russians, fight according to your means, why not take the fight up with the American fighter jets, why not walk up to Assads mansion with all his security detail and fight the fight? Most of these whys cannot be answered because it is not truly a fight. A fight would be if all parties involved were capable of fighting and they were all fighting towards or over a common goal. What chance does a rock pelter stand against an armoured tank. It is truly not about land, or religion, or tribe, or race...All of these insurgences, mindless killing and fighting is truly about ARROGANCE, GREED AND POWER! Boko haram have killed more muslims than any tribal/religious clashes in Nigeria. These are people that are supposed to be fighting for Islam and muslims. If they are killing the same people they are fighting for, then what is their fight really about?
It is absolutely a power play between world powers whom have nothing to lose, the weaker parties, the poor people, they are the ones whom will always pay the price for the arrogance and greed of the powerful. They are all murderers, simply killing for the sake of killing, because there is a sort of gratification in their minds afterwards. It is very twisted. We live in a world where a group of people terrorises an entire region, forcing them to leave their homes, yet they arrive at our doors and we don't answer their knocks, we peep through the windows and we tell them to go back to their homes, knowing very well that sending them back is the same as signing their death certificates.
I do not think anyone is born with hate, hate is a product of our immediate circumstance, hate is the product of anger, hate does not dwell where love thrives. If we are all truly fighting for God, isn't God synonymous with love, isn't God synonymous with peace? If we distrupt the balance of the world by infesting it with hate, war and mindless killing, haven't when then strayed far away from God? Do we think we are still at Gods feet?
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Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Nigerian Civil Servant And The Public

The Nigerian civil servant is the most under-appreciated person in the working world.

I think this is the problem, because the civil-servant also feels under-appreciated, he/she also regards his/her job with little care. Have you ever being to an organisation run by the government(e.g public library, government hospital etc) and had someone who works there treat you so bad that you regret ever stepping out of the safety of your own home.
Why are these people so rude? My God. While working on publishing my book (Solitude which is available on Amazon, link above page), i went to the Kaduna public library to get my ISBN. On getting there i met the most distasteful woman ever, she was unnecessarily rude and unkind and for the life of me, i could not tell what i had done to offend this woman. I decided to be terribly kind to her, i greeted her, tried to crack jokes which she did not find remotely funny and offered to buy her something when i went to print my request letter which she declined with the roll of her eyes. But this is not the only case, have you ever gone to the Transport Authorities for your drivers licence in Nigeria and you happen to not know anyone there? You would hate the day you learned how to drive. No one wants to even listen to you talk-less of attend to you. I do not know why this case is so common with government bodies. I was at the Barau Dikko Teaching Hospital in Kaduna for a medical report and i opened a file, paid and everything. I came back the next day and what do they tell me? My file was missing and i had to pay for another file? I understand it is a little sum of 200 naira but what if i was someone whom could not afford to spend 200 naira every time? I am sure there are people whom are not financially well off that come to the hospital, how does the hospital expect them to get any treatment?
The Nigerian public sector is in dire need of reform. There should be some form of civil servant training program that teaches potential civil servants about customer relations. This is not okay, have you ever been to a public hospital abroad? people want to help you even, why is Nigeria falling behind on something as simple as customer relations, besides, the moment you choose to work with/for the government, you have chosen a life of National service. You are obliged to treat the public with respect seeing as you are serving them and all. There are so many cases like this, i detest anything that requires i go to any public organisation for anything.
I do not understand if it is because these people hate their jobs, or they just don't care about the people that they serve, or they feel "the government does not pay me enough to care about all of this" but you are a civil servant, you work for the people, you must learn to be nice to the people you directly serve.

xoxo
Sayonara
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Thursday, October 22, 2015

The Voice Of New Nigeria

Image Source: Igemcity

I am very very excited about this generation of young people. There is an ample amount of young people lately whom have wild ideas and i am very happy about that. As i had spent my summer working with children (whom i adore) i noticed a trend with young people, they have things to say. Unlike the generation of our parents, these new set of young adults/teenagers are very opinionated and if you don't agree with them, they are willing to sit and make you understand why they say what they say. I find that highly impressive.

I have very young sisters with such wild opinions. My 17 year old sister is the smartest teenager i know. It is fascinating really. I decided to write this today because i got very emotional over some issues, suddenly, i found myself reaching for words my sister had told me about coping, strategically planning and never letting my emotions get in the way of what i need to say. I never saw this day coming. We often say my sister talks out of her ass because she has absolutely no filter. As long as it is in her head, my sister will let it roll down to her tongue and voice box, this is what will take her places.
The youth of Nigeria proved that they will be heard through the last elections, they demanded a just electoral system and let the entire world know that they were in control of their destinies now, the nation heard them. They advocated and campaigned, eventually electing into power the president they believe had the best interest at heart for them and they have shown that if he fails them, they will remove him and elect someone else. This is a vocal generation. The young people don't want to be silent anymore and that terrifies the older generation. They are maximally utilising social media to get their message across.

Most parents feel threatened by the outspokenness of the new generation of the new Nigeria. They will do everything in their power to reenforce their control on the youth, they will throw threats, point accusing fingers and wag their tongues,they will claim to know more and most be obeyed because they are older but the beauty of it all is, it does not stop the youth. Nigeria is a country of entrepreneurs, young people are screaming on the top of their voices, "if the government will not provide jobs for us, we will provide jobs for ourselves", they are succeeding. What is even more beautiful is the way the women are rising up. Amina Muhammed of Gombe,Nigeria just recently showed Nigerian women whom have always being the ones left behind that they can be successful, that they can aspire to one day sit before the UN to voice their opinion and be heard. Women of Nigeria are waking up, Nigeria and it's religious and cultural beliefs are not enough to hold them down anymore. Today, northern women are reaching places, slowly but surely, they are climbing. There are doctors, lawyers, engineers, politicians, engineers,activists etc. I am a strong believer in the power of the people, i sincerely believe that when people push to achieve their dreams, even when the entire world is against them, then truly the universe will align in their favour.

This does not suddenly eliminate the problems that the Nigerian youth face. There is still widespread unemployment, child marriage is still an issue, religious and cultural stigma are still a problem but what these set of new Nigerians are saying is this, that they will persevere. I will use this sentence which has become more of a slogan since revolutions started rising around the world, "They tried to bury us but they did not know that we were seeds." I am proud to be a part of this New Nigeria, it is up to us to create the Nigeria we want our children to grow up in.
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Friday, August 21, 2015

Homecoming As A Woman


I came to Nigeria a week ago hoping with all the hope that i could muster up in my heart that home would feel like home. That i would walk into the house where i barely grew up in and feel a sense of belonging...it was all in my head, the moment i came home, i realised i had made a big mistake.
The thing with living abroad is this, it changes you, completely, especially if you have lived in a place with a lot of different people from different places whom hold different ideas. Over the course of my time abroad, i am very proud with the collection of friends i have kept close to my heart, i befriended people i never knew i could befriend, had life changing conversations and all of that eventually makes up who you are.  The horrible thing about that is this, you go home expecting home to have evolved as you have evolved but home stays the same, home smells the same, home looks the same but home does not feel like home anymore, home feels like a transit, not a destination. Back home, everyone assumes you are the same person as the person whom left. I came home "re-birthed".
I found something peculiar to people i spoke to back home, i could not have a conversation with anyone, as a writer, i love to talk, i love to hear peoples opinion and most especially, i love to be listened to, to voice my opinions and have them challenged. On coming "home" i found out that nobody wanted to listen to me, everyone just wanted to tell me what they think i should think and say, i found myself blocked, i could not have a conversation with one person, not even my parents. It is one of the things that breaks my heart the most, i thought coming home would make me feel good, make me forget all my troubles but i found no solace. I dread waking up knowing there is not one person that i could have an honest conversation with, someone i didn't have to pretend with.
Another thing that eats away at my toes is something i had known my entire life, something i was made to resent. I grew up the least girly girl around, i resented being a woman, for me, it felt like being a woman was stifling and i wanted to be free, i knew my society did not let women to be free so i chose to resent myself (i have since learned to love and appreciate myself tho) and change myself. I met an old friend today whom came to visit my friend at home, after sitting for a while he asked "It must be very boring being a girl, what do you girls do apart from sitting at home?". He was right, being a girl in Northern Nigeria is a curse on a girl like me who wants to have conversations like existentialism and travel the world, it was painfully boring, it is okay for a male child to go out and come home at late hours but for a girl, it is and outrageous calamity. Nobody wants a child whom questions these things, everyone thinks a girl like that is nothing but trouble.
Everyone wants to take care of a girl, nobody assumes a girl can handle herself. My father told me that as long as i am an unmarried single woman, i will answer to him and even when i get married, i will answer to my husband. In my mind i wondered whom my brother would have to answer to, all i heard was "you would never be your own person here, you would never be a full person here, always second class, always below someone" all of my dreams just came crashing down on me, i knew i had made a mistake coming home. I would never be the person i want to be.
Maybe homecoming after living abroad where freedom was abundant and a person did not need to answer to anyone would be different if i were a boy, coming home to a father asking him "what do you want to do now that you are back son?" not an anxious mother saying "Now that you are done with school, it's time for you to find a husband." would probably be exciting but then...i wouldn't know that, maybe then, home would feel like home, home would not be a scary concept that reeks of tears and pain. For me home is supposed to be a place where i would go to bed knowing that i would wake up in the morning with people around me whom want me to do what i want to do as long as i am happy, this is how i would define home, a place where i could be myself, where my opinion is valid, where i am not surrounded by people whom think they know me but don't really know me and they do not make an effort to know me.
Being a woman is hard in a place where nobody respects women, a place where everyone wants to tell a woman what she should do and reply her "whys?" with disdain and cold "because i said so." This is just my homecoming tho, i am just one woman.
I would like to know more about peoples homecoming after living abroad, how did you find home? was home the same as the idea of home you had built in your mind? was home a place with a foreseeable future for you? I  would really like to know.
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Why I Think Nigeria Is No Place For A Woman With Dreams.

As i was passing time on twitter, i saw a retweet by my sister. Someone had tweeted "Nigeria is not a place for a woman with dreams" and i asked my sister who the lady was and she told me she didn't know, nevertheless i retweeted/favourited the tweet and exclaimed how much the tweet expressed my feelings. This is something that has bothered and is still bothering my heart. 

Nigeria is most certainly not a place for anyone, not just a woman who thinks there is something extraordinary in this life waiting for them. Why? Simple. We kill and destroy every chance of success our neighbour has, out of spite or culture or religion. In one way or another, we destroy the youth by repeatedly telling them who we think they have to be. Like being any other person i.e themselves would kill them. As a graduate student, in the words of my beloved aunt "you have reached a stage shaheedah where marriage should be at the top of your list", this is a woman who wants the best for me and loves me very much and in her display of affection, marriage is the best thing that could wish to happen to me. Ignoring the fact that i have a Bsc in Engineering and i am an aspiring writer. Ignoring the fact that i could be so much more than the next bride in the family.
In the little community i.e people i speak to, i have seen every proof to assure me that Nigeria is no place for a woman with dreams. Mainly because we have taken culture and used it in place of common sense. I have conversations with a lot of people concerning the future and almost every average Nigerian girl you meet while calling her future plans out to you goes:

1. I finish school (not specifying high school, undergraduate or postgraduate)
2. I get married and start a family
3. I maybe find a job.

That is a pretty good list to me don't get me wrong, i mean, we should all aspire to have an education, have a job and when we feel the time is right, start a family, or not at all even,  whatever works for us. BUT for this to be the list for every average Nigerian girl just tells you that this has been repeated to us several times so much that it has lost its meaning. We are like brainwashed robots just following what we are told regardless of the fact that we have high functioning brains that are supposed to be used to do the thinking for us and not be spoon fed second hand bullshit. When you ask any adult why they teach that, they tell you this, that is how it is. I finished school and got married, that is what you should do too. I am talking from the view point of a Nigerian woman because we are the ones who are told right from the time we could walk that we are going to grow up to raise children and take care of the house. I have never ever in my over 20 years of existence heard a Nigerian parent tell their son "Listen, you have to learn this because very soon you will be a father and have to start raising children and taking care of a house". Our culture has told us that that is the best a woman can do in Nigeria. If a woman should God forbid be anything extraordinary like have a career then she is seen as the outcast, the rebel, the one that defied the odds.
People are so blind to how empty and meaningless their lives are that they have nothing else to do but obsess over someone else's life. There is a cycle of emptiness going around the women in Nigeria it saddens my heart to think i am expected to live this kind of life, a life without purpose, a life where you wake up everyday, repeatedly until waking up without a purpose just seems pointless. Having an intellectual family is a blessing, having both an intellectual and supportive family is damn near Gold.
When we have moved pass the barrier we have built for ourselves using our culture as an excuse, some other conservatives tell you in a very popular hausa phrase "haka addini ya ce" meaning "this is what the religion says". The reason i chose to be a feminist, or rather i think the reason why feminism picked me was because i was sick and tired of being told what not to do because religion says so. I have done alot of research, i have read the holy book and read several books by prominent Islamic thinkers and philosophers since i realised i was a feminist on religions standing when it comes to the topic of feminism. Contrary to popular belief, religion has never restricted a woman from being somebody, from being more than a housewife, if anything, religion has pushed us as people not only women to seek for knowledge and achieve greatness. Religion has never specifically mentioned in any book that women should not have dreams and they must be housewives. If i can recall correctly the holy prophets wife was even at a battle, your religion teachers will remove that out of your curriculum and tell you that God has forbidden women from leading and taking up any post of authority. Recently to build another bridge over women and elevate patriarchy i was told that religion teachers are teaching that the prophets first wife Khadija was not older than him, in fact he was older than her and it is a popular misconception. Anyway, i am not discussing religion here. Basically what i am trying to say is, people in Nigeria have repeatedly used culture backed by religion to tell women that they could never be anything extraordinary. Sharing your dreams with people gets you a kind of cynical laughter that would ice out your blood and make the taste of your dreams bitter on your tongue.
Last issue is spite. A Nigerian hates to see his brother succeed. No. Some people live to poison the hearts of families whose dreams are for their children to live a full life. They are like little birds dropping poisonous seeds in the ears of Nigerian parents out of spite to remind them that a woman with dreams is no wife material. A woman should not aspire to be very successful because she will intimidate men hence she will grow up in her fathers house with no husband. Realise how they give her no alternative to leave and find her dreams, like the only place for a woman is either her fathers house or her husbands. Always under the wings of men. Nigerian women are made to believe that being ambitious is not part of our culture and tradition, being an intellectual or "too smart" is not an attractive trait.
Marriage of course may not necessarily mean the end for most women. A lot of women can have both marriage and a career but we all know that when women postpone their dreams for the pursuit of marriage, then it will just be a habit to keep postponing, waiting for marriage, then it is about waiting till after the baby comes, then waiting till after the next baby and before you know it, it is late and most women end up feeling they can't do anything productive when they have passed their primes. If a woman can find a way to balance both her career and family without having to give up one for the other, then good, very damn fantastic but if not then it is just another sad story.
Nigerians are afraid of anything that seems out of the ordinary for them. Anything that is not considered as "normal" and is not something Nigerians are used to is automatically a "sin". We are all afraid of change in one way or another but without change then we might as well have stayed in the stone age. With civilisation comes change, comes breaking out of the cycle of everyday life. Civilisation gives room for greatness, yes it has it's qualms but without change, nobody would achieve anything in this life.
I advice every Nigerian woman not to settle for anything less than she thinks she deserves. Any woman in fact, not just Nigerian. Do not succumb to the pressures of family forcing you to take on a job you do not like and engage in relationships that do not elevate your heart. There is nothing wrong in wanting the best for yourself. There is nothing wrong with having dreams and ambitions and wanting to live a life filled with meaning and purpose. Do not just wake up everyday. Lazily. Wake up everyday with a purpose, with a goal to achieve

I read a peace of statement that i felt the need to share with as much people as i can, men and women, Nigerian or not.

"I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they are your parents. Because, if you are the kind of person who senses there is something out there for you beyond whatever it is you are expected to do-if you want to be EXTRA-ordinary-you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you are not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.
- Kelly Cutrone "

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