6 O'Clock Train Chronicles

I am on this bus
Riding to nowhere in particular
It's just like my life
Heading nowhere
On a steady course
The train does not hunk
The couple in front of me repulse me
They remind of John before the booze
Before he decides
To give himself over
Arms outstretched to the cuff of drunk

See John was a man
Before the day after,
He would pat my back
And comb out my knots,
He would work in the day
And meet me at the train station
Everyday at 6
Like clock work.
A day before the day after
John told me
When he came home that night
Reeking of whiskey
And the smell of the beginning
Of the end,
That he missed the train.
The day after,
I stood by the bathroom
While john threw up
All the leaving
His father has left him
He threw up
All of the moving
From foster home
To foster home
I made ginger-ale
And fed it to him in bed.

Two nights later
I took the 6 o'clock train
Without John
To go pick John up from the station
They said he "exposed himself" in public
I am not sure what John exactly did
But i could see his mother
In his apologetic eyes
John told me that they were overreacting,

"It's a race thing" he said.

When John started coming home
With pupils leaving their enclosing
Taking a train
Up Johns brain and having him say things like
"My stepfather put his hand down my pants"
I listened
I waited for the high to pass
I listened as the drugs poured out
Pieces of him he spent time keeping in
I found traces of white powder
In the back pockets
Of Johns jeans.

Before the day after
John was a man
Trapped in himself
He walks by his mother everyday
She can't tell its him
He brings her breakfast at the corner of the street
And dinner after the 6 o'clock train.

Before the day after
Johns mother had died
Maybe the madness took her
Or her soul was tired of being lost
John found her hugging her knees.

John is still a man
But he used to be my man
Now John comes home every night
He looks like leaving
He smells like cheap female perfume
And local beer.
I hold the door
To let the ghost of a man
Walk into my house
As much as i want to close the door after he walks out
And change the locks
I still stay.

I am on the 6 o'clock train
I know where i must go
But the train keeps moving
The call said a body was found
His id had Johns name on it
I am to identify the body
John has done what his father is good for,
Leaving.

Before the day after
John would hold my hand in the morning
And tell me
In his voice which has being scarred
By years of internal screaming
Yearning for love he never found
Maybe in the end he found it
At the buttom of the bottle
He would say

"My father may have left, but i am still here"

Now that i think about it
Maybe it was more for Johns healing
Reminding himself
The two of him-selves
That he must not give in
To the darkness that tails him
And hangs above his head
Like an angelic halo
Not for me
The train is past my stop for the 10th time
I am not sure

I should keep going.

On Feminism

I apologise in advance, there is a chance that i might spiral while writing this and end up getting angry hence use swear words, for my young readers i am really sorry....hopefully i will be able to keep the hulk in me inside till the end of this.


It has come to my understanding that a lot of people from the male gender do not feel comfortable with "Feminism" and some from the female gender as well, I am here to educate you. A simple definition from Merriam Webster,
Feminism: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.

As simple as that. I am going to ask you to do one thing, ask yourself, do you believe a man and a woman should both be equally able to apply for the same job and both of them should only have to worry about being hired because of their qualification and not their gender? If it is Yes, awesome, if it is No, rethink your life and priorities, repeat exercise in 1 month. These are things women have to worry about everyday, because being a woman suddenly limits your ability to be good at a job which you spent years at University training for. Some of you might say, Oh, but men face these issues too and i will ask you, how many times? I am not a fan of statistics because i strongly believe every single statistic out there is a lie so i will not be pretentious on here and call numbers and ratios to you. Ask the people around you. Do a little survey. Women tend to worry more about things like this than men. Why you wonder? Well right from birth, men have being told that the world is theirs for the taking, that during the day, they will go out and conquer the world and they will come home to a nice meal and a warm bed. Women on the other hand are thought, if you do not know how to make a nice meal and keep a bed warm, then you are as useless as a couch potato with a remote control. You see the flaw here?

I was asked why i need feminism, to be honest, there are so many reasons why i need feminism, i will state them as i go along but mainly because i am asked why i need feminism. The moment someone begins to tell you not to do something is the moment you begin to wonder why you are being told not to do that thing, at least that is how i am. Do not blindly obey when told not to think, think. What are they so afraid for you to find out. Why are they so afraid of feminism succeeding, actually striking a change?

Feminism came about to let women all over know they are not alone in their struggle for equality. That they can be so much more than a kitchen staff and a bed warmer. Feminism pushes to let people know that women are so much more. That they can be more and do more. What does feminism hope to accomplish? To create a system that protects the interests of women, to create a system in which a woman gets paid based on her qualification, to create a system in which a woman can run for a political career and succeed. I do not understand how all of this is a bad thing, i will never understand why some women go about saying "oh no i am not a feminist", shut up and sit. You just sound and look ridiculous. Don't you want a society in which you are judged based on the person you are and not based on your gender? Don't you want to live a life filled with opportunities because you are skilled and not have to worry about your gender limiting you? The moment you say something as silly as that then you are contradicting so many things, don't you believe in the anti-racism campaign?

Words are heavy. I noticed. Let us say for now, right now that the word feminism does not exist. The word has been erased from our dictionaries and our minds. There is just a bunch of people on the street holding placards saying, "I want equal pay because i am qualified" "i am more than a house servant" "I am not weak and helpless, i can take care of myself". What would be your first thought when you read those placards. Forget about the people holding them up, just the sentences, also you cannot call them feminists because the word does not exist. They are just several anonymous gendered people telling the world that they demand more. That they are not satisfied. What would you think of that? Would you look at them and ask them why they want equal pay just because they are qualified? It makes sense to want that actually. Like i said, words are heavy. I don't know what some of you understand by feminism but obviously you are misunderstanding what feminism stands for. Think of yourself, you are man, you are paid less than your friend whom you are probably better than at a particular job, wouldn't that piss you off? Wouldn't that make you want to shove your foot up someones ass?

Listen to me, do not misunderstand feminism with "some feminists", believe me, not all feminists understand fully what feminism means. Do not misunderstand these peoples contradictions with that of essentially what feminism is about. You would be confused as hell. You will go "wait, these women want equality but they want me to pay for the date, i thought we were equal". Sit down. That is not what feminism is about, those are personal. Understand that people will bring their personal shit into feminism and there is nothing anyone can do about it, we cannot control the way people think. Keep the main idea of feminism at the back of your mind and you will look educated, not dumb as hell asking stupid questions.
Women are biologically weaker than men, that is something i had a hard time coming to terms with. Physical strength i mean. That is the basis of patriarchy. During those savage ages, during wars, obviously you will not carry someone whom is not physically capable of defending the clan to wars. There were exceptions of course but generally, the women and some of the not so strong men were left to protect the children while the stronger mainly male dominated army goes of to fight the enemies at the front. We are past those times now, it is 2014. Men are not marching off to battle fronts anymore(except obamas army which by the way comprises of both men and women). Women do not need to stay to protect the children while the men battle enemies at the war front. If the man can go off to look for something to sustain his life, so can the woman. We are not fighting clan wars anymore(we have evolved into newer types though).

If men feel left out of feminism, then honestly that is another problem for another set of people(men). Men tend to say, but feminism is exclusively about women, what about men getting discriminated, abused, raped and i tell them this. Feminism is about women. Only women. Solely women. A woman can go off to start a movement to protect men whom are getting discriminated, abused, raped. That is cool but it is not and will never be feminism. It will be called something else. Feminism IS exclusively for women, if men feel left out, then they should do something about it. Feminists are not responsible for the ego of men. Women went out and demanded to be heard, men can do the same as well. It is a free world(or so we like to think). Feminism is not here to baby sit you. If men decide to be feminists then that is cool, but they must remember, they are doing it out of humanity, because they are human and they strongly believe in the rights of people to demand equality. It is not a charity case or a pity party. To be feminist is to be human, call yourself whatever you like but feminism is about humanity, it is about civilisation. Nothing more, nothing less.

I am not here to convince you to support feminism. You do not have to. I am here to educate you, to make you understand the basics about feminism and it's contradictions. You can criticise it all you want and pretend women do not have problems that feminism addresses, that is your choice and it is fine. But i am sure you were birthed by a woman and out of respect for the women in your life, you would want them to live a full life, a life that does not limit their capabilities, a life that does not teach them to be good little obedient wives only.

Hopefully you got to the end of this long post and hopefully i did not spiral.

Sayonara
xx

When The Boy You Were In Love With Asks You

When the boy you were in love with
asks you if a poem
is about him,
tell him Yes
if it is,
tell him No
if it is not.
If it is
he will apologise
and he will thank you
for writing about him
laugh in his face
tell him not to thank you
does he thank his lungs
after each breath?.
Tell him not to apologise
he is so full of himself
tell him he did not break you
tell him he gave you poetry,
even if you want to cry
laugh in his face again
tell him not to be silly
you know he is not sorry
(Really he is not)
tell him to read the poem again
tell him it is neither an ode
nor a love song
tell him it is poetry
and then YOU thank him
for giving you
Poetry.